I felt light. Lighter than I’d ever felt before.
Up up up you go! Swing as high as you want. But don’t blame me if you start to fly.
As if a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. My feet still touched the ground, but if I wanted to, I’d simply let go and float away.
I’d forgotten something and it felt great. Forgotten…
What had I-
Something warm ran down my forehead.
I tasted it. Salty.
I felt my face, searching for the source of the river of wetness. My fingers found a hole in my head. Nasty things, holes. They just stare back, unblinking, as you struggle to fill them.
Nell was crying out for me. I didn’t know why but she needed me to keep going. So I would.
I blinked and the ceiling swam into view, set dressing sliding back into place. I pulled my body forward, forced my head down from the position the bullet had snapped it back to. Blood spattered the ground and poured past my panting mouth.
I was running out of time.
Something wriggled at the core of my being. A deep, primordial fear, ripped forth through the layers of my consciousness like a newborn pulled from the only sanctuary it knew screaming loudly: be afraid.
Flowers bloomed along my arms and bones curled into ornate armour. The petals blinked like eyes and the masked puppets fell back in terror.
Wooden limbs, wooden hearts, cut the strings, break the parts, only moves in fits and starts.
Out of my spilled blood grew thorny vines that wrapped around my broken legs, forcing them to work. I was beyond pain, a mercy from the dying brain.
I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die.
I took my first step.
Bullets whizzed past. Two struck my arm and I let it fall away. Dead weight. We move on. Plant the arm, watch it grow. Haha…
Two more steps.
The puppet master shouted at his puppets to stop. His nutcracker mouth was agape.
More steps. A stumbling finish.
I stopped myself with my remaining hand, resting on the ground beside the slowly dying deer. Crocodile? Gazelle? Cheetah? Roadkill.
Heat spilled off of her and I felt the fire lick at it, hungrier than ever before.
“Don’t try it, Nick. It won’t change anything,” the puppet master said.
She had tried to understand me. The only one here that had tried. I couldn’t remember her name or many of the other faces that swam past my vision. I was losing them. My memories. They spilled out of the hole in my head. I don’t want to forget.
A desperate need arose in me. Nell was all that was left.
Dandelion growing out of a sidewalk, why do you keep trying? It didn’t work. It will never work. Get crushed beneath the heel of a man walking towards something unimportant.
I raised my hand and placed it on the deer’s chest. WIth all the care I could muster, I began to sift through my memories. The happy ones, the sad. The moments where I felt time had stood still. The feeling engraved on my heart. I gathered them up into a tiny speck, a seed. Then I let go. Dirt slips through fingers, fill the hole. Bury the treasure.
My heart beat alongside hers. Veins bled into her skin. I pushed as much as I could into her, filling the wound in her heart. Her heartbeat grew stronger as mine grew weaker, like a tipping scale.
I saw Nell sitting on a park bench, waiting for me. Her eyes lit up as she saw me. Her hand patted the bench beside her. I sat, feeling tired. The warmth of her hand in mine spread over my entire body. Something wet touched me and I saw that she was crying. It felt good to be cried over. I looked out at the flowers and saw that each one was a spinning star, a universe of its own. Worlds would come and go as I sat there.
The scene began to fade, my vision failing.
At least I felt warm as I listened to the heartbeat.
Cozy by the fire, burning embers winking out one by one like a city at night. Time to sleep.
Beat…
Beat…
Beat…