I waited, listening to the creaks of the house. I’d spent enough long nights awake to be familiar with them by now. Sitting still felt like a herculean effort. The shadows danced mockingly in the corner of my room even though there was no moving light source to agitate them. My heart felt like an injured animal, one that a hunter would watch, not quite sure when it would cease struggling.
There were people who saw God’s face in pieces of burnt toast or in the rocks on the surface of Mars. I saw the Broken-Neck-Man’s face ingrained into the pattern of the wallpaper, gaunt and terrifying, repeating endlessly. Pareidolia it was called, seeing faces in chaos. Even inkblots could contain divinity if your unconscious mind looked for it.
I wondered if I’d always been looking for things to fear. If my obsession with my father’s sins were blown out of proportion, because I needed something to hurt myself with, because I believed that pattern should be perpetuated.
With all this pattern-recognition, I couldn’t see beyond the walls of this room. I couldn’t see a future for me.
Something has to change.
I repeated that mantra and my heart began to settle. Unsure if it was just placebo, I tested my Shaping, weaving a small ball out of tiny antlers at the tip of my finger. It was definitely slower than usual. The drug was kicking in.
Tension bled out of my shoulders as the room started to look more and more normal. I exhaled and lifted my backpack onto my shoulders. It was packed with my mask made of antlers and other things I might need: food, first aid kit, painkillers. All items that hadn’t been necessities for me for a while.
I opened my door quietly and slipped into the hallway, walking softly on the carpet towards the front door. It was easy to move in total silence. I knew all the spots that creaked and groaned under my weight.
At the front door, I took one last look behind me at the sleeping house and then stepped outside.
I closed the door at a sloth’s pace until I heard the quiet click.
Creak.
I turned to see Tom sitting on the rocking chair on the front porch, looking out at the garden of exotic flowers Nell had created in the front yard. I slipped off my backpack, trying to act casual.
Tom sighed. “I was hoping it was just my insecurity talking, not my power.”
“Hm?”
Tom looked at me seriously. “C’mon Nick, I don’t need super intuition to figure out what the backpack means. You’re leaving.”
I put the backpack back on and felt the weight dig into my shoulders. “I guess I am.”
“That’s a bad call. You should talk to Nell. She’s your partner.”
“I can’t do anything on my own?”
“You know that’s not what I meant. You’re about to do something real dumb without her.”
“I did talk to her.”
“So she knows you’re leaving?”
I twisted the backpack strap in my hand.
“So that’s a no, then.”
“You don’t have the full picture. I’ve already thought long enough about this. This is what’s best for both of us.”
Tom breathed out, fogging the air, and then rocked himself out of the chair. He faced me and held out his arms. “Then how about a hug before you go?”
I looked down. “I’m not a big hugger.”
“I insist.” Tom clamped his arms around me, hard. He squeezed me tight.
Then he looked to the house and bellowed, “EMERGENCY! Wakey wakey! We got a problem here!”
I struggled, trying to pry myself free. My own lack of strength surprised me.
Tom grinned, “I work out, you know. Especially my hugging muscles. These pecs don’t let anyone out. With consent of course.”
“I don’t consent,” I wheezed, twisting myself around.
“I’m making an exception in your case,” he leaned back and shouted, “C’mon people! Rise and shine!”
I changed tactics, now facing Tom, I brushed my fingers across his sides. He twitched and his voice faltered. He glared at me, “That’s dirty. I thought you were sleeping when Daria found my weak spot.”
“I was trying. You have a loud laugh.”
“Hahaha!” he cried out and his grip faltered.
I tore myself free.
Leaping from the porch, I ran into the dark suburbs, pushing through frosted hedges and vaulting over an iron gate.
Tom’s voice chased me, bouncing off the houses, “Oh, it is so on!”
I only got a block away when Nell awoke. Her presence slammed into mine and if not for the drug numbing my feelings, I would have lost my footing. But it was because of the drug that Nell immediately knew something was wrong. Our connection was weakening.
My sneakers thudded down the sidewalk as strange alien plants began to grow out of the gardens of people’s homes and the flower baskets that hung from street lamps. Some grew makeshift eyes and mouths that moved noiselessly. I wasn’t certain they worked, Nell hadn’t done this before. Vines crawled at a frightening speed across a brick wall, spelling out a question: What’s happening?
I steeled my nerve and kept running.
Something smashed into a nearby rooftop, sending a loose shingle skidding over the road.
“NICK! EXPLAIN!” Daria’s terrifyingly loud voice boomed across the cold air.
I slowed and stopped as she landed on the road, cutting me off. She was in boxers and a tank top and her rippling muscles were on full display.
I crouched, ready to move at the slightest twitch. My hand went to my pocket.
She just stared at me in disbelief and then shook her head. “You know what? Forget explaining. I just woke up and I already have a headache. Let’s have a wrestle, Nick. For old times sake. You can tell me all about it once I have you in a headlock.”
I took out my phone, raising it for Daria to see. “I have something that might interest you.”
Daria rolled her eyes and chuckled. “What, some solitaire? Can’t say I’m tempted.”
“It’s a pic of Neve kissing your forehead while you’re sleeping.”
Her smile faltered. “You’re bluffing.”
I swiped my thumb and showed her the picture.
Daria’s eyes widened before she regained her composure, stretching down to touch her toes nonchalantly. “So what? I’ll just grab it once I pin you.”
I turned and threw the phone as far as I could over the rooftops. Daria snarled at me and leapt after it.
Taking a shortcut through a backyard, I tried to make my path hard to follow, slipping in between hedgerows and using an AC unit to jump over a tall fence.
The flower on my shoulder erupted into full blossom, shedding excess petals all around me. Two more flowers sprouted along my arm, producing extra green shoots that attempted to catch themselves on any nearby obstacles. I held it close to my side so that it wouldn’t reach anything.
Daria came crashing through a fence to my right. She lunged at me and I threw myself through a copse of bushes, my backpack and the shoots halting my momentum on the other side. I ripped myself free and ran towards the glowing sign of the convenience store.
I could hear Daria’s bare feet slapping the pavement close behind. “What’s wrong, Nick? It’s just a friendly little wrestle. Why are you running?”
Darting inside, I slid on the freshly mopped floors. The cashier’s face paled when he saw Daria coming. “Please,” he begged. “Tabernac, I just restocked. You have enough snacks.”
Daria collided with the automatic sliding doors, as it hadn’t had enough time to fully close. She smashed straight through the glass as I ducked behind a shelf. I heaved a jug of milk at her and she tried knocking it out of the air, only for her strength to break the jug, splashing her and her surroundings in milk. She spluttered and wiped her face.
Taking advantage of her momentary blindness, I rolled over the counter and ran past the cashier, slamming open the exit door with my shoulder.
A forest framed the back of the store and with Daria no doubt hot on my heels, I reluctantly entered the trees.
Only a few feet in the trees started to groan and bend. Nell had caught on. Trunks crowded my path as leaves blocked out the light of the moon. I crawled forward on my hands and knees, sneaking through the gaps.
Then the forest went quiet. The trees stilled and I lay still, panting. I blindly fished around in my backpack until my numb fingers found my flashlight. I clicked it on, illuminating Daria’s smiling face, still dripping with milk.
She grabbed me and tossed me. Wind whipped my hair all over as I sailed through the air. I slammed into a trunk and then rolled onto the forest floor, the backpack cushioning what otherwise could have been a nasty injury. The mask inside cracked loudly as I gasped for air and rolled over. Extending a hand, I tried Shaping a wall of antlers between us. Daria broke through it with ease before I could finish.
“You’re slow, Nick,” she crooned as she grabbed me and pinned me against a tree like some highschool bully in a movie. I struggled, trying to pry her fingers off of me.
She frowned. “And really weak too. Are you even trying?”
“Yep,” I wheezed, still trying to catch my breath.
“Alright, then explain yourself. Quickly. I’m drenched and it’s freezing my nips off.”
I let my hands fall to my sides. “Daria, do you ever get scared?”
She shrugged. “I guess so?”
“When?”
She frowned and lowered me so my feet could touch the ground. “When Neve was in danger.”
“Would you stop me if I said I felt like that?” My limbs shook. “I’m so scared Chase is gonna hurt Nell.”
Daria’s eyes hadn’t left mine for a second. “Then let’s do this together. All of us.”
“I care about all of you,” I whispered.
“That’s sweet of you, Nick, but I’m a big girl. So is Nell. We can take care of ourselves.”
“Nell doesn’t want to fight anymore. And Neve is scared to even talk about Chase, let alone see him again. I want to respect that, I really do. But my stomach hurts every time I have a chance to think. The others… AJ is too young. Tom would try to act like me, but he can’t regenerate. It’s going to be a bunch of Wolves, he would get seriously hurt.”
“So you and me, like old times.”
I shook my head. “You can’t keep doing that to Neve. She asked you to take a break. You can’t be running away from her after a week of no action.”
Daria said nothing, her frown deepening as she considered what to do.
Finally she released me, swishing her long red hair. “Fine. I held you up long enough. Take care of yourself, Nick.”
I took two steps backwards before someone tackled me from behind. We pitched forward and I tasted dirt. Vines grew up from the soil, wrapping around me to keep me in place.
Nell didn’t let go of her hug.
“Why?” she whispered.
“You’ve gotten a lot faster,” I mumbled into the dirt.
She coughed out a laugh and rolled me over, then sat on my stomach, glaring at me. I could barely see her in the dark.
Her expression softened eventually, “Why are you fading? I can barely feel you anymore.”
“I took a special mood suppressant. Graham was right about emotions controlling all of this. I can barely Shape.”
“Why?” she repeated.
“Cause I can’t sleep at night,” I whispered. “I’m so, so scared. It’s warping what I see, how I think of myself. It’s killing me. I don’t want to be broken like this forever. And I need to know Chase isn’t out there, waiting for the perfect opportunity to drag me back to hell. Birds dying with one stone and all that.”
“What about me?” Nell asked through tears. “This feels like when we first met. You don’t trust me. Has everything we went through not mattered?”
I stared up at the stars twinkling through the leaves. “Hearing you talk about what comes next, seeing how your face lit up as you described it, that made me super happy. I think you should do it. Distract yourself from me, give us a little distance, make something new. And, in a little while, I’ll be back. Ready to walk beside you in this new journey. If you still want me to.”
Nell hugged me again, speaking between heavy sobs, “Idiot… Of course… I do.”
I lay still, unable to hug her back. So I just listened to her breathing as it slowed down and her tears eventually dried.
She got off me and the vines withdrew.
I sat up and gave her a hug with all my strength. It felt really good. Unfiltered, unrestrained.
“I’ll come back. I promise.”
Nell’s face watched me in the dark. A brave face, or maybe I was imagining it. “Okay. I trust you.”
With that said, I pulled away. Nell’s heat lingered on my skin as I walked along into a dark and uncertain night.