WnW 8.3

The next few days passed in a blur of meetings and preparation. I felt unfocused, haunted by what I’d seen in that basement. Sometimes it felt like the Aberrant Witch’s hollow gaze still pressed against the back of my head, even though it was buried under a kilometer of concrete.

“If anyone has any questions about your team’s assigned task, you can discuss it with me and I will bring it up the chain of command so that it will be addressed before the execution of the plan. Dismissed.”

The H.E.S.P. soldiers around me began to stand and exit the room as soft discussion broke out about the coming strike. The atmosphere was anxious, but people were trying to keep spirits high with jokes and smiles.

A butterfly fluttered across my vision, startling me out of my daze.

“I’ve gotten pretty good at controlling them,” Kay said, sliding her chair over to mine. “Watch.”

More black and violet butterflies joined the first. They landed on my desk and began to fold themselves, arranging in flat shapes to spell something.

U DUMB

A voice snickered in my left ear. I glanced wryly at the open window, which let cold air into the otherwise stuffy room. “They should have closed that window to keep the bugs out. One bug in particular. Hey, AJ.”

His disembodied voice responded, “Your mission sounds soooo cool. I wish I could be on your team.”

Kay flicked a butterfly out of the air and it tumbled to the surface of the desk. “These stiffs don’t understand that AJ is way more experienced with danger than I am. Maybe it wouldn’t have looked good if the person scouting ahead for danger was a minor.”

“Hasn’t stopped them in the past,” I grumbled. AJ’s team had run into danger over the flooded streets of Rothers, just like we had.

The unit leader who had given the briefing tried to shut the window and it bounced back without completely closing. AJ yelped. The leader stared at the window in bewilderment.

“I guess you don’t have to worry about that with your Shape, Kay,” AJ sighed.

I smiled. “Cheer up, Ajna. I know this isn’t the superhero team you imagined but I gotta say, the H.E.S.P. training is super impressive. You’ll be kicking ass in the future.”

Kay nodded. “Plus you gave me some really good tips about sensation and things to focus on. You’re my Shaper sensei.”

AJ went quiet for a moment and then responded with pride in his tone, “I’m getting a lot stronger. I just need to come up with some ways to use my Shape in combat. Ah! Speaking of, I snuck away from training to eavesdrop. I should go. Good luck, Nick! Kay, I’ve taught you well.”

Kay punched into her open palm and bowed to the empty space. She turned to me and a butterfly landed on the frame of her glasses. 

“You okay? You seemed pretty spaced out during the briefing.”

I glanced over at Nell, who was looking at satellite imagery of the Organ base and speaking with Mac.

“I’ve just been a little worried.”

“About Nell?”
“Nell is strong, and I don’t just mean her powers. She’s competent, level-headed in crisis, she’s even working on her physical fitness. I’ve seen her skills firsthand.”

“But?”

But that means I don’t have a reason to ask her to sit this one out. No reason except the worry that kept spinning around in my gut, drawing my insides into a tight knot. I thought I’d done away with this kind of paralyzing fear. Nell and I had made promises to each other to keep going together. And now I was wondering if we were promising to stay on the path to a terrible fate.

“But what about you?” I asked, trying to change the subject. “You didn’t have to agree to this. They could have found a different scout to take your place. You haven’t had enough of the horrific places I keep dragging you to?”

Kay frowned. “That’s not what happened. Sillwood was going to become hell whether you were involved or not. I’m happy you were there. And I get to make this choice, not you.”

I looked away. “I get that.”

“Eyes over here, dummy.”

I forced myself to look back at her. Even without any butterflies touching my skin, her gaze felt like it was burning me.

“I may not have the powers to fight like Nell. But you need to get one thing straight: I’m strong and I’m smart. I’ve seen the fucked up shit that Organ keeps doing to people with my own eyes and I’m going to fight like hell to bring them down. This will go a lot better if you stop being so protective and start fucking trusting that you can count on me to watch your back.”

“You’re starting to sound a bit like Daria.”

Kay’s butterfly landed on my nose, the contact stinging me. “Ow!”

“You don’t seem to get it unless we get that aggressive. It’s not my fault you dumb.” Kay stuck out her tongue and got up to talk to one of the other recruits for our team.

Some of the Shapers I’d seen during the conference room meeting were here and Kay was quick to introduce herself and start bridging the social gap. Just like what she’d done for me.

Damn it. Why is everyone I meet so much cooler than me…

Mac had left the room so I walked over to the images Nell was looking at.

The base of Organ was an old manor, supposedly under the name of some old money Quebecois family. It looked more like a castle to me, with spires and terraces, the old stone masonry spilling out over a wide swath of land. The manor was bordered by the sweeping hills of the countryside along with a forest on one side and a large garden at the back.

The mission was relatively simple. Infiltrate the manor and discover the location of the weapon. Given the opportunity, H.E.S.P. was going to take full advantage of my memory-stealing powers. I’d find an employee of Organ and if they refused to reveal anything by choice, I’d find out what they knew by force. Rinse and repeat until it worked and we found the weapon. Simple on paper. In reality, nothing ever was. I was praying that my assimilation would work properly. I couldn’t afford a malfunction now. Certainly not when Organ appeared to be mustering their troops to fight back, as if they knew we were coming.

Nell will be safe, I assured myself. 

I stole a glance at her. She was deep in thought, analyzing the layout of the base. 

She wouldn’t even be nearby. Her range meant that she could be kilometers away, with the support team providing backup. Tom would be there as well. 

Come to think of it. What even was Nell’s range at this point? It had been steadily growing ever since we first met. When was the last time I’d been outside of it? Would Organ even need a Beacon to reach the things in the sky? Or would Nell eventually meet the thing that spoke to me in the Beacon? The one that had spoken of a slumbering god.

Nell noticed me looking and pulsed me with good vibes before walking out of the room. I joined her for a stroll.

“Are you feeling good about the mission?” I asked.

“Mm. I guess. I don’t like being so far away.”

“It seems like a logical choice though. Organ has been targeting you ever since you got away. They just can’t seem to do without Ms. Nature Goddess.”

Nell swatted at me. “That will not be my new nickname.”

Her arms caught my eye and my heart sank a little. She noticed but said nothing, just folding her arms as she kept walking.

“Hey.”

“It’s fine, Nick.”

“Nell. No, it’s not. Stop for a sec,” I said firmly.

She did, turning around with a hurt look on her face. “Can we just pretend? I was having a good day.”

“Those cuts are fresh.”

“Yesterday wasn’t a good day.”

“How did I not notice? Fuck. I don’t want you to deal with this alone.”

“You were preoccupied. We all were after seeing that thing H.E.S.P. is keeping under the base.”

“Show me.”

Nell reluctantly unfolded her arms, showing me the fresh red wounds that crossed them. The skin was red and puckered around the cuts. I placed my arms on top of hers, discreetly pulling and giving at the same time.

Split flesh. The stench of a body flayed open. The cries for mercy. The eyes that bore into the back of my skull, watching her “project” go to work on the experiments. Her shadow of liquid metal always by her side.

I knew what these memories were about. They were all of her. The Witch of Organ and her Wolf, Damascus.

The explosive intensity of the anger was like being suddenly exposed to a roaring fire and the hurt made me reflexively grip Nell’s arms and she flinched.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, pulling away now that the work was complete.

Nell examined the new silvery roots that joined the others, criscrossing like lightning on her skin. She gave me a small, sad smile, “If this keeps us I’m going to look like you when you wear your armour.”

“That’d be a striking look. Silver-skinned, backed by green gardens?”

“I suppose I’d be okay with that.” Nell’s eyes grew distant. “I didn’t realize how long you’ve known Kay.”

We kept walking and I shrugged sheepishly. 

“Are those the memories you saw? To be honest, I didn’t really realize it myself. I was in a bad headspace that first year of university. The shit going on with my dad was bubbling to the surface. It was hard for me to get outside of my negative thoughts. So I didn’t even recognize Kay as a classmate when she introduced herself that night before I ran into Chase.”

Nell glanced out a passing window at the falling snow. “Convenient that she’s a Cast now. She can join the mission with no problems. She can be on the same team as you even though I can’t.”

I stopped walking. “Huh?”

Nell stopped too, facing away from me. “It’s nothing. A bad joke.”

“It was anything but convenient for her. She nearly died when she took that Dice.”

“I know. Ugh. I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that. But it feels like she keeps getting closer and I keep getting further away. I’m going to be two fucking kilometers away!”

“You’ve said so yourself, with our connection, we can always be close.”

“Physical distance is important too,” Nell murmured. 

A wave of jealousy washed out over me, confounding me.

I shook my head, frustration welling up inside. “I don’t understand. We’ve shared emotions for so long. You know how I feel. You know it isn’t like… that. Not for her, not for you.”

“Yeah…” she said softly, turning around but keeping her eyes on her shoes. “I get that. I like you. I like Kay. I like all the people that treat me like a friend, not some monster or tool. Silly, isn’t it? I’m so simple.”

My throat felt tight. “I don’t think so. And I’m sorry. I wish I understood why I feel the way I do. But it’s just like this. I reach for something, something that everyone else seems to have and there’s just… nothing there.”

She looked up, eyes wide. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Nick.”

“Then there’s nothing wrong with you, either!” I exclaimed, close to tears. “Stop doing that.”

We both went quiet.

Some staff rushed past and I stepped to the side, clearing my throat and rubbing my eyes.

Nell leaned up on the wall next to me.

“I need to change,” she said softly. “I’m so worried about the future we’re heading towards. I keep having this paranoid thought that it’ll end in disaster and it’ll be my fault.”

I pressed my head against the cool wall and tried to push aside my frustration.

Nell took a deep breath and let it out. “Okay. Jealousy eradicated!”

I snorted. “Just like that, huh?”

“Not really. But I think Contact One shook me up a bit. We all need to give ourselves time to figure this shit out.”

“Where were we walking to anyway?” I asked, peering down the hall. “I don’t recognize this area.”

“I was going to pay Graham a visit. Wanna come?”

—

Graham stroked his beard thoughtfully. 

“It’s all connected somehow. I’ve been quizzing Tom, trying to get him to have a eureka moment with his power. Sadly the Shape seems as capricious as the Shaper. His so-called super intuition is hard to discern from his manic spitballing about aliens and chthonic gods.”

Nell balanced a pillow on her head, the static making her hair float upwards as if supporting it. “Ever the rational thinker, Graham. Don’t you think it’s possible that Shaping is just magic, plain and simple?”

Graham’s eyes twinkled. “Magic is just a system we don’t understand yet. Everything has rules, even Shaping. Some of the scientists here have worked out some interesting theories about a theoretical energy that could be driving the process. They call it Imperium Anima energy, ia for short. Pretentiously, it means sovereign life. It is the x variable of Shaping, the reason that the energy to mass conversion ratios don’t seem to make sense.”

“Emotion appears to control the ia, allowing the energy to enact chemical, physical change. More experienced Shapers can utilize more ia meaning their Shaping can use less regular energy, which leads to bigger and more drastic changes. This ia appears to latch onto emotion, so when a Witch extends their emotion to those around them, the ia allows the Witch to Shape them and perhaps it is the reason that emotions can be telepathically shared at all.”

“That aligns with what I felt from Contact One,” I said. “I felt pity and immediately began to be Shaped without even realizing it. As if it tugged on my emotion and then used that to change me.”

“I suspect that is how Organ is controlling Aberrants as well,” Graham mused. “A puppeteering act. While Aberrants may have lost their ability to communicate and reason in a human capacity, their emotional faculties could still be intact, leaving them open to manipulation.”

“It’s strange though,” I said absently.

“What is?” Nell asked, tilting her head, making the pillow fall to the floor. Her hair continued to wave in the air like the tentacles of a jellyfish.

“Even the Aberrants that Organ never had any influence over, I saw hatred in their expressions. Unless Dice has that effect? But I feel like that doesn’t explain why they seem to target humans over just anything that moves. It feels like they’re more than just mindless vehicles for violence.”

“Yes, that is certainly troubling.” Graham said. “It is as if at some point in the process of a Shaping that warps the brain past the threshold for rational thought, some external force takes hold and bends it to a specific, malevolent end. I saw one of my past students cross that threshold. It was a horrifying thing.”

“I’m sorry,” Nell said.

Graham straightened. “It was my own foolishness and lack of care that led to that outcome. You both helped me put an end to those mistakes. Nick’s obvious care for you, Nell, is what drove me to keep fighting in Sillwood when all seemed lost. The human element, people caring for each other, that is what the rational mind forgets. With Shaping, the body changes quite dramatically. But our minds have always had that capacity.”

Nell said nothing, seeming to be absorbing the words pensively.

Graham clapped me on the shoulder. “And I’m not just a scholar. Rest easy, Nick. I will be by Nell’s side during the raid. Focus on keeping yourself safe.”

His expression turned grim. “I suspect that Organ has yet to reveal the extent of the horrors they keep locked tight. When backed into a corner, they may find little reason to hold the door shut any longer.”