WnW 7.31

The cracked concrete walls of the underground facility rattled with alien noises. I blinked, head heavy with exhaustion. 

A H.E.S.P. agent bumped past me as a group of medics sloshed through the water back towards the exit, carrying Daria on a stretcher. Neve followed after them and she hugged me briefly as she passed. 

She said something.

I just nodded.

“Doctor Marin.”

The voice emanated faintly from beyond an open door. The hallway beyond was dark and debris floated on the surface, sodden paper and broken glass.

“Doctor.”

The chill of sea water sapped the feeling from my legs. It would be best to keep moving. 

I waded down the hallway, stepping on submerged objects that had come to rest on the floor. One made me stumble to find my footing and I reached out to feel my way along the wall as the lights grew dimmer. My hand slid along the wet concrete, feeling the imperfections in the surface. There were faraway voices in the dark.

The wall ended and I caught myself from falling. 

Visibility nearing zero, I blindly groped around, first feeling the frame of a doorway and then a lightswitch. I flicked it on.

A small room, about the size of a doctor’s office, complete with a padded exam table where a patient would sit. I realized, looking down, that the water had not made it into this room. My legs felt warmer.

I looked up.

Nell was sitting on the exam table. She seemed smaller than usual, her feet dangling off the side. She stared at me silently.

A voice spoke into my ear, “Doctor Marin, a fitness checkup is to be done on Ortum Three.”

Nell just kept staring at me, her expression cold. There was a cut across her forehead that oozed blood.

“Nell-” I started.

“Were you hired because you’re ignorant or because you’re stupid?” Nell asked. There was no familiarity in her tone.

“I… neither,” I said. “I was hired for my work history. Ten years of serving the cartels. I know how to keep my mouth shut.” I put on my stethoscope and stepped towards Nell.

“Ah. Stupid then. You know what I am and you still approach me? Something is wrong with your head.”

Nell allowed me to place the cold metal of the stethoscope on her chest. Her heart beat quickly, filling my ears. Thump thump thump.

I counted the beats while looking at my watch. My own voice was muffled by the stethoscope, to the point where it sounded like it could be someone else’s, “Sure. I’m stupid. But at least I’m happy.”

Nell’s heartbeat quickened. “Happy?” she whispered venomously. “How could you be happy? At any moment I could wring you out like a wet cloth. You know when they do these checkups? Maybe you don’t know since you’re new. They do them after I’ve performed in one of their tests.”

I leaned back and took off the stethoscope, letting it hang around my neck. 

Nell pointed at the cut on her forehead. “This is from a man’s head. I tried building something inside of his skull and it shattered like a vase. One of the shards struck me.”

“That sounds awful,” I said as I got out a bandage and wrapped it around her head. She glared at me as I smoothed down her hair where the bandage had made it poof out.

“That’s my life. And they do these checkups to make sure that I keep doing this for as long as they need me to. Twisting people. That doesn’t bother you?”

“I’ve heard similar things from members of the cartel as I’m elbow deep in their guts, searching for a bullet.”

“And that makes you happy?”

“No. It’s awful to hear such things. Especially from someone so young like yourself. It hurts. But I’m happy to be here. I’m happy you told me.”

Nell looked down at her clasped hands. “Why?”

I finished the binding, tucking a few curls of hair into the bandage and I patted her head. Her eyes widened from the touch.

“Because I get to witness the parts of them that are rarely seen. It’s hard to see someone as just another person when they’ve been so stretched and pushed to the extremes of humanity. But even they have moments of vulnerability. Weakness that they must share with others. Moments of normalcy between extremes. I get to touch them, feel their bodies and know that this beating heart is human too and they deserve to be treated as such. They deserve to have a normal conversation. If I didn’t tend to those people who live so far away from the normal and accepted, who would?”

My hands fell into empty space.

“Doctor Marin. Ortum Three has been relocated. You will be transferred as well to a different post.”

“But I-”

“Nick?”

Nell stood in the doorway. I looked down at the water lapping at my legs in the empty room.

“What are you doing? What’s wrong?” Worry creased her brow.

“The doctor… The Aberrant. She knew you.”

“Nick, you’re shaking. You need to warm up.” She came close, wrapping her arms around me.

Tears poured down my cheeks and plopped onto her shoulder. I reached up and wiped away the moisture. “How could they…”

This world was so evil. I clenched my fist so tightly that warmth began to spread out, blood spilling from under my knuckles.

“Nick?” Nell pulled away, alarmed.

My fist ached and I couldn’t unclench it. I peeled back my shaking fingers with my other hand. Faces swam to the surface of the water like fish waiting to be fed and I closed my eyes. “I need a second!” I said shakily. “Stop, I just…”

“I don’t understand. What did I do wrong?”

I opened my eyes. A different room with the same equipment. This time a boy sat on the exam table. The one that had been in the Oldtown during the Sillwood Incident. He had made the Beacon there. But that hadn’t happened yet, had it?

Guilt hit me deep in my stomach. “Nothing. You did nothing wrong. How could you?”

“Then why are you crying, Doctor?” he asked, looking mildly puzzled.

“Because I can’t help you. I can’t get you out of this. Just like I couldn’t help any of those that came before you. I used to be able to swallow that feeling, to assure myself I could at least provide some comfort. Lately, it’s become too much to bear.”

“Why?”

Invisible hands tore at my body, dragging their nails down my flesh, rending it. I screamed in pain. Nell tried to still my thrashing.

“Shh. Shh.” She held me close.

“Doctor!” The boy sat up in alarm. “That’s… that isn’t me! I’m not doing that!”

An empty needle quivered at my neck. I knew it was as good as a knife in the back. My intestines coiled, moving like living snakes, they tore themselves to pieces inside of me.

“I know,” I gasped, struggling for breath. “I overheard something I shouldn’t have.”

“I don’t… I don’t know how to help you,” the boy said pitifully.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. Shh,” I whispered as Nell said that same thing to me.

“It’s enough that you’re here. Even in this place, I’m not alone.”

I succumbed and the memory passed.

But the spectres remained, the doctor’s face joining them below.

Where did all the good things go?

They are still there, remember?

I could still see the treasured moments I’d gained from those I’d eaten. Laughter. Tender moments. Strength.

The voices kept talking.

But negative things tend to stick in our teeth.

A bargain. Please.

You can’t bargain with the dead.

A bargain with my Self, then. I can’t keep this up.

You chose this. You chose to bear their suffering. To give it meaning. Why are you surprised when you find that meaning has steeped into your bones?

Consequences, I understand. But there must be a way.

You could let go of the meaning. The smiling man is good at that. He could help us.

I shivered. The realization that Chase’s apathy had felt good was making me nauseous.

Anything but that.

If you can’t digest the meal, it must be expelled.

What?

Give us to someone else. Form a curse in the pit of your being and spit it into their mouth. Make them bear the weight of suffering.

A face came to mind almost immediately. The woman Nell hated with all her heart.

I have someone in mind.

That should suffice for now. A target. Do be quick with it.

The faces scattered and the room seemed to brighten as my awareness fully returned.

Nell held me close, stroking my hair and humming. My shivers ceased. She was warm.

“Is it over?” she asked.

“I think so,” I murmured. The memories of the doctor were still digesting. Each one was so vivid, it was easy to slip up and let them take the stage.

Then I started, sitting up. Nell squeezed me tight, clamping down on my arms.

“No. It’s okay, Nell. I’m still here. I just found something,” I said. “The doctor. The Aberrant that I ate. She found out where the central base is. I know where to find Organ.”