Conrad’s long arms and towering stature claimed the space, even blocking out the light for a moment before he relinquished his grip on the table and stood up straight. I hated how claustrophobic I was feeling. I hated the sudden dimming of my connection to Nell. Conrad had rattled her somehow and now she had closed herself off from me.
I pressed my fingernails into my palm. “What happened in Sillwood was awful, but it wasn’t Nell’s fault.”
Conrad’s lip curled. “No?” Then will you take responsibility? The counts are ongoing but estimates are at four thousand. Four thousand dead, with another five thousand still missing. All signs point to the Beacon as the origin of this tragedy.”
My thoughts were sent in a tailspin. The numbers were too large for me to understand. “The Rings were at war. There were countless Aleks running around the city. Nobody is even fucking talking about Organ. Are you seriously suggesting that it’s our fault?!”
Conrad tsked and looked at me with disdain. “You killed people in Sillwood. You killed people in Cathrow. Conveniently, you and Nell were there at the center of both catastrophes. To deny responsibility is a childish deflection of blame. I’m not blind. A pattern is emerging. Do you seriously expect me to sit on my hands while you find yourself at a third moment of mass death? Will you still claim to have a good heart then?”
The room had become painfully bright. I could hear my heart pumping in my ears.
“Heart?!” I shouted. “Where is yours? You’d crucify Nell just to have an easy answer to-”
I stopped short and antlers erupted from my face, curling around my narrowing vision. Conrad didn’t flinch. The soldier was screaming orders at me and I could feel the gun trained on my head but I didn’t care.
“You told all of this to Nell?” I asked quietly.
Conrad waved the soldier down. “I’m asking the questions,” he said imperiously as he leaned closer, as if he had gotten the reaction he had wanted. “What are you after, Mr. Harte? The fact that you claim to just be a victim of circumstance is more damning than any far-fetched goal you could have told me.”
My teeth ground together. “I’m not that hard to figure out. You have me pinned as some psychotic killer but I just want answers. I just want to stay together with Nell.”
Conrad glared down his nose and spoke incisively, “Nell is being relocated to a high security prison. I can’t promise you will ever see her again.”
That made me laugh. “You’re lying. I can tell exactly where Nell is.”
Conrad didn’t react to his bluff being called.
I rested my arms on the table, folding my hands. “Why are you so intent on antagonizing Nell and I, Conrad? Could it be that you have no leads on Organ either? Despite their existence being obvious, you can’t gain any ground? You wouldn’t be lashing out in frustration would you? That would be highly unprofessional.”
Conrad turned his back on me. “I’m Chief Investigator of the commission of Humane Experimentation for Scientific Progress. I’m simply doing my duty to peel the truth out of the crooked fingers of those who think they can rule the world.”
Chase had told me what H.E.S.P. stood for ages ago. It didn’t sound like a military branch at all. It was another thing the public would likely be in an uproar about. A hidden military with secret goals wouldn’t be received gracefully.
I splayed my hands. “You want answers too, right? Sounds like you should be building bridges, not burning them. There’s a lot that Shapers know.”
Conrad wheeled around, eyes blazing with anger, teeth bared.
He was about to say something when the door opened.
Two people entered the already crowded room. One was Mac. He kept his eyes cast downwards. The other was a person without a wisp of hair to be seen anywhere on their body, not their head, face, or even the knuckles of their slender fingers. They moved into the room with a strange sway to their step, as if dancing. Almond shaped gray eyes gazed at me briefly but attentively before flicking to Conrad.
“That’s all for now, Conrad. Thank you. We will see to Nick,” they said lightly but firmly.
Conrad’s face had dropped the snarl as soon as they had entered the room, but the fury still simmered in his expression. “Thank you for your time,” he said haltingly and stooped through the door.
As soon as the door was shut, the person’s attention returned to me. I leaned back in the chair, anger spent. I didn’t have the energy to keep contesting inaccuracies.
The person extended a hand towards me. I raised an eyebrow.
“Hello, Nick. It’s nice to meet you. I’m the Director of H.E.S.P.”
I didn’t shake their hand.
The Director turned to Mac and said, “Is that…” pointing at their own face.
“A temporary Shape,” Mac answered, eyes briefly meeting mine before looking away. “He can produce and manipulate bony structures from underneath his skin.”
I realized they were referring to the antlers that were still covering my face. I wasn’t inclined to withdraw them. If anything, I wanted to cover my face entirely, shut the world out and have a nice nap. Seeing Mac again wasn’t helping the matter.
“Nick. I realize that you’ve been thoroughly weathered down by words at this point. Normal procedure, I’m afraid. But let me put your fears to rest. You aren’t being sent to prison for terrorism, nor will you be executed like some alien from another world. I actually wanted to ask for your help.”
I continued to do nothing but stare.
“And let this be the first thing I do to prove I’m worth hearing out. Let’s take a walk to see Nell and the rest of your friends.”
That was all I needed to hear. I rose from my chair to stand at the Director’s eye level.
They quirked an eyebrow at my readiness, humour lurking in their expression. “A person of action, I see. I like that.”
The Director led us out of the building onto the tarmac that ran between various buildings with brutalist architecture. Sunlight reflected harshly off of tinted windows and the visors of H.E.S.P. operatives. Large tents had been set up near the chain-link fences and medical personnel were running in and out of the entrances. A slight dusting of snow was falling, only to disappear midair, evaporating before it touched the ground.
We entered another building and then into a cafeteria of long tables with bench seating and a shuttered window with a counter. Graham and Richard were sitting at a table, conversing quietly. Vanessa was a table over, looking lost without her phone. I spotted Nell perched on the windowsill of one of the large rectangular windows lining the walls.
The Director spoke, “We’re still waiting on a few people so feel free-”
I’d already moved past them to get to Nell. Many soldiers were standing guard along the edges of the cafeteria, but they were giving Nell a wide berth.
I let my relief pulse outwards to Nell as a greeting.
She didn’t look away from her view. There was a garden outside, mostly flowered bushes and thin trees that were losing leaves fast. The grey specks of snow catching on bare branches before melting away.
Nell drew her legs closer to her chest. “I don’t like winter,” she said softly.
Words stuck in my throat like a fishbone. Should I bring up Conrad? “Why not?” I finally asked.
“The cold, the white, the quiet… It’s the season of death.”
“I can see that. But winter can be beautiful too.”
“Death can be beautiful.” She lifted a finger to write something on the glass. There wasn’t enough condensation for me to see what she wrote.
My heart ached and I wasn’t sure if it was our bonded commiseration or my own hurt.
“Listen. Whatever that asshole Conrad told you, he’s lashing out, trying to evoke the response he thinks is being hidden from him.”
“Is he wrong?” Nell asked, hand dropping from the window. Her eyes met mine.
I was once again gazing into deep waters. “Yes. Of course he is. You aren’t to blame.”
Anger flashed from the depths like the slap of a finned tail, surprising me with its quickness. “You’re just saying that because we’re linked,” she retorted. “But not everything we are reflects back to the other. We’re still different people. Have you ever asked yourself why I resonate so well with the Beacon?”
“I…”
I don’t have the right to demand that answer from you. The heart that lay in the depths, I had no right to see it. I didn’t want to hurt her.
Nell turned back to the window and leaned her head against it. “Forget it. Seeing the snow made me moody.”
I stared at her, feeling the tension between us.
Then the Director clapped their hands together like a school teacher. “Please gather. I would like to have a conversation with all of you.”
Keep kicking the can down the road and you might never get to it.
I turned and went to the others. Nell followed after a moment. I sat, pointedly not looking at Mac.
The Director motioned one of the guards posted at the door. “Bring him in now please.”
The guard exited the room and then re-entered with Tom. A big smile rose on his face when he saw me. He gave a little whoop and punched the air. “I’m a genius!” he shouted.
The Director smiled in amusement and beckoned him over.
“Nell! Hey, you’re here!” he laughed and waved at her. She returned the wave timidly. “Then it was all worth it.”
I glanced at the Director. They seemed unsurprised that Tom knew us. “Kay?” I asked him.
Tom nodded reassuringly. “I brought her here. She’s more stable than before, although she did lose the rest of her shoulder.”
I breathed out in relief. If Kay’s Shape had stabilized, then all was well. The Dice had actually saved her from the fatal injuries Alek had inflicted on her.
The Director cut in, “Imagine my surprise when not only does this young gentleman show up at our secretive front doorstep, but he seems to believe that Nick is here on nothing more than a hunch.” The Director seemed amused by the whole thing. “My men took him in rather roughly, assuming he was a spy or a terrorist. How else could he have known? Granted they essentially confirmed it for him by their reactions. When questioned, Tom couldn’t say how he knew the things he did. He just had a feeling.”
Tom nodded enthusiastically. “Pretty sure I’m the opposite of a child prodigy. The prodigiousness hit me late. That or it’s the Dice I shot up right before I started getting these hunches.”
The Director nodded. “Rolled a lucky twenty some might say. No physical alterations, seemingly only beneficial changes to your brain.”
Tom’s smile faltered. I could guess why. Taking the Dice was meant to be an act of solidarity with Kay. But he’d gotten off seemingly scot-free. Hopefully I would see Kay soon.
“Fascinating,” Graham said. “I imagine that whatever new processes your brain has are being kept unconscious for a reason, mental strain, I would suspect. That would explain why the intuitions come to your conscious mind without explanation as to their logic.”
The Director turned to Graham. “Ah yes, the academic among us. It is good to speak with you, Professor. I was excited to hear that a man of science who had been steeped in Shaping culture was present.”
Graham seemed taken aback by this. He looked down and mumbled, “I am an ex-professor, nothing more.”
The Director waved dismissively. “Titles are not why I am interested to speak with you, Graham.”
Richard crossed his arms. “Out with it, already! We’ve had to sit through hours of bullshit questioning, like any of you have the right to judge us. It’s time we got some answers.”
The Director nodded and checked their watch, positioned on the inside of their wrist. “In about three hours a tribunal is being held. Relax, it’s not a matter of punishment. Perhaps it would be better described as a council. The higher-ups are in great need of information on this gate that has been flung open to the whole world. H.E.S.P. classified information was held close to the chest and many government officials only know snippets, nowhere near the full picture.”
“Why?” I blurted out.
“Why was Shaping kept a secret?” the Director guessed at my intention. “Unfortunately, that question has difficult answers. Part of it was a game of chicken. None of the other world powers were coming out, so why should the burden of responsibility fall on us? The more sinister version of that, you can already guess. If other world powers didn’t know as much as us, then we could use Shaping to our advantage.”
I shivered at that.
“Same could be said for unveiling what we know. If our enemies know more about this frontier than we do, then putting our lack of understanding on display could be taken advantage of. You have to understand that Shaping was very rare before the Sillwood incident. Most affected people hid it for their whole lives.”
“So it was for power,” Nell stated flatly.
“Yes,” the Director admitted easily. “Another factor is the distrust it would sow among the people. Shaping calls everything into question. Where does it come from? Is this food safe to eat, this water safe to drink? Are my neighbours safe to interact with? Is the man who always wins at cards secretly a mind-reading monster? The level of panic and paranoia that will result from this reveal could be catastrophic. There are already reports of Shaper related lynchings happening, like we’ve been cast back to the days of witch hunts. It is paramount that we get a message out to the people as soon as possible. Yet until now the government was lazy. We don’t even have provisional laws to deal with what a Shaper is, how it changes what rights may look like. We had so much time to prepare and that time was squandered on daydreaming about military usefulness and refusing to take responsibility.”
The answer was upsetting, but not surprising. Such a banal answer to such a tearing question.
“So what can we do?” Graham asked. “Is this our chance to steer the conversation away from ‘threats’ and ‘advantages’ and more towards understanding?”
The Director smiled warmly at Graham. “I would love for you to try.”
Mac responded visibly at that. His tongue pushed into the side of his mouth as he looked away from the discussion.
“I’ve requested that some Shapers be brought into the tribunal for questioning,” the Director said. “Unfortunately, it will require a demonstration. That eliminates the non-Shapers among you as well as those who have esoteric Shapes.”
Their eyes moved to me and Nell. “Nell and Nick are the best choices. And Graham, I will try to get you in as well. I think your insight and passion for understanding will be great assets.
I could feel Nell’s despondency, but she put on a brave face and agreed, so I did too. We would see soon enough if the Director was being honest about the purpose of the tribunal. The world deserved to hear the full truth. And if the leaders in charge wouldn’t give it, then it might fall on us to ring the bell.