WnW 5.14

The smell of cigarettes dragged me out from a morass of fitful dreams and back into reality. I blinked groggily and squinted at Richard who had just come back inside the car and shut the door. 

“Sleep good?” he asked gruffly.

“Mm,” was my noncommittal response. After taking a few more moments to fully wake and shake off the lingering wisps of emotion from whatever nightmare I’d been having, I looked out at the small brown apartment that we were parked outside of. People would occasionally exit, holding coffees or talking on their cellphone as they left to go to work. The clock on the dash said 8:16 am.

“Thanks for letting me sleep.”

“Don’t worry about it. You had a rough time yesterday. I’ve been keeping a close eye on it. No sign of him yet.”

I ran a hand through my hair and paused, realizing how greasy it was. Should’ve had a shower at home, I thought regretfully.

“Graham finally called me. He tried to talk sense into Sullivan after Helen left, but he says Sullivan is different now, whatever he was shown changed him. So Graham wants to cut ties and leave him to whatever fate he decides on. He asked the crew to meet and discuss evacuation.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Figured. And I told him that. I may not want to participate in Sullivan’s battle, but giving up on Sillwood would leave a sour taste in my mouth. We’re gonna do something about it,” he said as he looked at me. “Right?”

I nodded. “We’re gonna fuck with Organ’s plans. Getting Nell back is just the start.”

“Then we’re on the same page.”

“I should warn you, Richard,” I said slowly. “If we get separated, I’m going after Nell on my own.”

“I understand. She’s your number one priority, right? It’s the same with my wife.”

I turned away, suddenly uncomfortable with the eye contact. “Well, that’s a little different.”

“You don’t love her?”

I sighed. “Um, not like that? Not romantically. Our relationship is… hard for me to explain. But I do know that I can’t live without her.”

“Sounds to me like you do love her.”

I slouched down in the seat. “I’m realizing that I understand the word ‘love’ less and less with every conversation that I have about it,” I grumbled.

I swear Richard smiled out of the corner of my eye, but then something else grabbed my attention.

The figure of a bleached blond man in his early thirties, climbing the stairs to the building. He climbed more than he walked, as he was unsteady on his feet and it looked like his head weighed a ton with how low it hung. He was navigating by memory more than anything as he hauled himself up by the railing.

Richard shook his head to rouse himself and stowed his gun underneath his coat. 

“You kept watch through the whole night, do you want to get some rest?” I offered. “You might not get another chance for a while. I think I can handle a drunk Alek.”

“Wait here while you confront Alek? I’d never get any rest. I’m coming.”

I nodded and stepped out of the car. 

The fall morning air nipped at my face as I stretched my arms over my head. A quick glance around told me that nobody was paying a suspicious amount of attention to us. It appeared as though we hadn’t been found by any of the Rings yet. Although that could change if Alek was uncooperative.

We strolled up to the entrance and caught the door after someone walked out. I led us up the stairs and down the hall to Alek’s apartment, going more on a feeling than remembering the apartment number. When we got close, it became obvious, as loud metal music was pouring out from behind his door which was still open just a crack.

We stopped outside the door. I couldn’t hear anything inside besides the screaming vocals of the song. I nodded to Richard, who hefted his gun and nodded back. 

An annoyed looking neighbour poked her head out from a few doors down and Richard hastily hid the gun from view. From her lack of reaction, she hadn’t seen it.

I gave her a sympathetic eyeroll. “Neighbours, eh? Don’t worry, miss. We’ll have a talk with him.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you knocked some sense into him too,” she said, clearly joking before closing her door.

I breathed out in relief and shot Richard a look. He shrugged and pushed the door open. The music swelled as we walked into the apartment. A thin vertical strip of light shone from between the closed curtains. The smell of alcohol permeated the room. A light from the hallway revealed dirty clothes strewn about the furniture of the living room. The only other source of light was from the open mini fridge against one wall that Alek was currently bent over, his head hidden behind the door.

I reached for the light switch and flicked it on.

Alek banged his head on the inside of the mini fridge before stumbling backwards, blinking with half-shut eyes. He collapsed onto the couch behind him and covered his face with a hand. “Suka blyat! Turn it off!” he shouted.

“Sorry, Alek. You’re gonna have to deal with it,” I said. I’d already prepared my armour underneath my clothes, but it didn’t seem necessary. When Alek lowered his hand, I saw an unshaven face, cheeks flush with drink and eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep. Alek looked terrible. Even his hair gel wasn’t holding, the tips of his spikes curling sadly downwards.

He squinted at us and made small noises of exertion as he pulled himself to a sitting position. “Who is it? Some of Sullivan’s dogs making a house call?” He waved the bottle he still had in his hand. “Go bother some other sad fuck, this one is busy.”

Richard moved over to the kitchen. I just stared at Alek, confused.

“I’m trying to decide if I expected you to be packing your bags or preparing for war,” I said. “Either way, I didn’t expect this.”

Alek flipped me off as he tried to remove the cork on the bottle with his teeth.

Richard walked back into the room and knocked the bottle out of Alek’s grasp with a backhand. Alek watched dumbfounded as the bottle flew and shattered on the floor. Then Richard threw a cup of water he held into Alek’s face.

Alek sputtered and rose to his feet, roaring various expletives as he shook the water off his face like a dog.

“I’m going to fuck you up mudak,” he threatened, raising a fist and walking forward. Then he stopped as if finally taking in the scene. “Nick?” he asked in disbelief.

Anger bubbled up in my throat. “So now you decide to recognize me. Your act is full of holes, Alek. Why even bother?”

Alek blinked and swayed. “I’m not an actor,” he mumbled as he wiped water from his eyes. “I’m always true to myself.”

“Bullshit.” I said, not feeling any sympathy for his sorry state. “You know what I think? I think you betrayed the Gamblers long before I found you unloading those gun printers.”

“What?” Alek shook his head and raised his hands. “You need to slow down, Nick. I’m drunk. What printers?”

I lashed out, striking Alek. He reeled and collapsed back onto the couch. Anger of his own flickered in his expression as he lay there, stunned.

“You can’t have it both ways,” I hissed through clenched teeth. “You can’t know me one second and forget me the next-”

A muffled noise from within the apartment cut my rant short. I glanced upward, scanning the room. Richard had his gun raised. He walked over to the front door and glanced outside. Then he shut it and shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Are you alone?” I asked Alek quietly.

He spat a glob of blood onto the floor and rubbed his cheek. “You hit better than you used to,” he said wryly, sounding an inch closer to sober. “I still don’t understand why you’re here now, after all this time. I expected you to show up after I left you to those bug fucks. When you didn’t, I thought you’d been killed. So why now?” He glanced at Richard. “Is Sullivan finally fed up with me and you decided to tag along and get some personal vengeance?”

I nearly leapt at him. “Do you have fucking dementia? I’m seriously wondering. You act like you’ve been just sitting here, drinking every day in this shitty apartment since you left me in the Old Town.”

Alek spread his arms. “Guilty as charged. The drinking, not the dementia.”

I studied his face. He wasn’t smirking or even stone faced in his delivery. All I saw was a tired and sad man.

Someone moaned from inside the apartment. It was a pained, stifled sort of utterance, like they were gagged and bound. I glanced at Richard. He had his gun pointed at the closet door on the far side of the room.

“Alek, who is that?” I asked quietly.

Alek rubbed his head. “What? It’s nothing. You seemed to be as confused as I am.” He rose and walked over to the mini fridge, crossing Richard’s gun sights without a care. He pulled out another bottle and returned to the couch. Uncorking the bottle, he took a swing and sighed appreciatively. “I’ll admit I was hoping for company on my anniversary, but not from you.”

I was on edge, glancing at the closet. “What anniversary?”

Alek shook his head. “Never mind. Let’s get the facts straight so you can get the fuck out of my apartment. A long time ago, you and your Witch came to me for help. I graciously helped you get a handle on your powers. For free, I would add. All I asked for in return was a little help in finding my dear Helen.” He paused there, staring through the coffee table. Then his expression shifted to anger. He took another drink and continued, “And in return? You got me involved with some bio-engineered bug soldiers.”

“That’s not how that went,” I growled. “And you’re forgetting the part where you held me at gunpoint and then acted surprised in front of Graham and Spike, like you didn’t know I was a Wolf.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“Uhuh, I bet you don’t remember telling your girlfriend all sorts of stuff. Information that she was happy to give to the other Rings to be used against us.”

Alek’s expression slipped and he looked hopeful. “You saw her?”

“Briefly. She tried to have me killed.”

“Where? Is she still there?” Alek leaned forward hungrily. Then something else flickered in his eyes. Fear. “Did she mention me?”

I threw my hands up in frustration. “I don’t get it, Alek. You can sense her, can’t you? You were in the Old Town when I fought with the Goblin, he told me so. You weren’t with her? And why were you helping the Jiezhi with their printers?”

Alek’s shoulders dropped and his gaze returned to the bottle in his hands. “The last time I saw Helen was today, exactly two years ago.” His hand ran over the couch cushion. “We sat here, talking, laughing, making love. It was the strangest moment in my life. Because after something so wonderful, she was gone. And she never came back.” Alek looked up and his eyes were moist with tears. “I know she’s still in the city. Sometimes I think I can still feel her. But I’ve searched for so long. I’ve only ever found traces. She’s a ghost. She doesn’t want me to find her.” Tears dripped down his face. “And I have no idea what I did to make her do that.”

I was silent as Alek put down the bottle and wept into his hands. I thought of the Goblin, caught in the throes of his emotion, unable to break free. Was Alek beginning to suffer the same fate?

Alek’s sobs eventually subsided and again his expression hardened. “Leave,” he said quietly. “I’ve had enough of you.”

My tone softened, just a touch, “I’m sorry, Alek. If that’s really true, then we’re in a similar situation, we are both separated from our Witches. But I can’t leave. Not until you come clean on the other times we met.”

He glared at me. “That wasn’t me. You’re mistaken.”

I spread my hands. “The only other answer I can think of is Helen was there, using her powers on me. But why on earth would she want me to think it’s you? How does that benefit her? And even the Goblin said he saw you in the Old Town. How could she have known he would tell me that?”

“I don’t know!” he shouted. “I don’t care! Maybe that meathead has just finally lost it completely. Maybe Helen found someone else that looked like me just to fuck with me! How would I know? She won’t see me, she avoids me. Now all that I have left is memories.”

The moan sounded out, louder this time, unmistakably coming from the closet. As Alek seemed to acknowledge the noise for the first time, confusion crossed his face.

“What’s in the closet, Alek.”

He shook his head, like he was having a bad dream. “Nothing.”

“Bullshit, we all heard it.”

“There’s nothing in there!” he spat. “Helen told me there was…” he trailed off. His eyes began to dart back and forth. I could smell his sweat.

Then realization spread across his face, contorting it into pure terror.

“What? What is it?!” I shouted at him. Richard moved towards the closet door slowly, gun raised with his finger on the trigger.

I kicked the coffee table to the side and seized Alek roughly by the shoulders. “Tell me!”

Alek’s head lolled and his eyes flicked over to gaze at me. “It all makes sense now.” His slurred words belied his fear that I could feel trembling through his body. “A long time ago, back at the train yard, I taught you the difference between instinctual and learned Shapes.” His hands gripped my arms, feeling the armour beneath my sleeves. “You use yours often, your instinctual Shape. Armour, protection. My protection… For me… I had forgotten what it was.”

Richard swung the door open and immediately stumbled back as a wave of odor swept into the room. It smelled of blood and feces and meat. It was the smell that heralded the beginning or the end of life. The scent of an animal slaughtered. The raw potent scent of birth. They smelled the same.

I released Alek and stepped towards the closet.

The inside of the closet was a pulsating red mass of flesh. Grey tendons stretched between the corners of the small enclosure, suspending the mass at the center. It was moving, bulging outwards like something was pressing against it from inside.

Alek’s voice sounded haunted. “What if one day… you were replaced.”

I moved closer to the closet, heart racing.

“The person who replaced you is identical to you in every way.”

A bulge pressed against the flesh, creating the outline of a face, mouth open, like that of a baby. But this was the face of a fully grown man. A man that I knew. A man that was already in the room I was in.

Alek spoke as if in a trance. “They have your personality. Your memories. Everything. No one would be able to tell that this new person isn’t you. Except you can. Because you are not that person.” He gestured morosely to the sac. “Instinctual Shapes don’t care how they keep you alive. They just ensure survival. Whatever the cost.”

The reason that Alek could be in so many places. The reason Alek was also here, wallowing in despair over something that happened two years ago. The reason that I now witnessed a grown man struggling to be born.

Another Alek was in that sac.