I watched Nell assist in putting out the fires on the roof of the building by creating ladders out of the trees that grew on the side of the building. The Gamblers had created a line to ferry buckets of water along from a nearby rainwater basin. Trails of smoke curled up into the sky to be devoured by the sun. Spears of rebar littered the battlefield like some strange recreation of an ancient battlefield.
A small crowd had emerged from the building. One limped along with self-made crutches. Their legs were terribly thin and it didn’t seem like they could fully support their weight. Another had blocky grey crystals emerging from the base of their neck. I suspected that with a close enough inspection, I would find that they all had a Shape of their own. A small figure burst free of the crowd and ran over to me. It was the girl with the mouse-like snout. Her eyes were a mottled yellow-green, like half-mixed paint.
She flashed me with a smile with pointed teeth. “Wass yer name?” she asked, her words slightly mashed by her altered mouth.
“Nick.”
“Ma name is Fia. Nice to meet you. Spike is inside. Do ya wanna see ma home?” She asked excitedly.
“Sure,” I responded, taken aback by her confidence with strangers. Fia took my hand and led me back inside the entertainment center. I waved at Nell before going inside and she waved back.
Fia pulled me down a staff hallway, pointing at the various posters and chatting away. “He’s Mosey Mouse. He looks like me. Are you hungry? You can eat. We haf enough cause Spike aways brings us more. But, I can’t eat too much. We don’t haf unlimit-ti-ted,” she said, stumbling on the last word.
My eyes stung as I shook my head. “That’s okay. I’m not hungry right now.”
“I’m aways hungry.”
We passed into a large room with concrete flooring. Mattresses lay around the edges of the room, and in the middle was a propane stove. I noticed that the lights were on here, the wires had been taken out of the walls and then taped to be out of the way. The hum of a generator sounded from the back. The shelves on the walls had books, plants, and children’s toys on them. One wall had a screen mounted on it, and a game console was on the shelf mounted next to it.
Spike was seated on a chair while a bald man dressed his wound with a fresh bandage.
“Spiiiiike!” Fia called out.
He glared at her.
“Where’s da food?” she asked, unperturbed by his expression.
He pointed at a backpack that was leaned up on a wall near the entrance. Fia grabbed the bag and walked unsteadily inside, the weight pulling her left and right. She passed a woman with long, unkempt hair who was babbling to herself.
“2 inches across, 5.2 centimeters deep. The room is 8 meters and a half exactly.” She noticed me as I approached, eyes peering sharply through tangled hair. “7.7 inches across, 4 milimetres-”
“She’ll calm down if you ignore her,” Spike said, stretching his arms gingerly. “You really saved our asses back there. I can’t express how much I appreciate it.”
I shrugged and winced as I felt it tug at my burns. I should have healed before I came in. “I’m lucky Nell came up with something that worked to make the Goblin leave. It was kind of a gamble.”
Spike examined me with narrowed eyes. “I thought you’d be like Alek. That was wrong of me. You’re willing to put your body on the line for others.”
“It just makes sense. I can heal. Other people can’t.” I noticed the purple tentacles that wriggled at the bald man’s wrists. Everyone here had a Shape that was difficult to hide. Even Spike was at the edge of that. He could easily be discovered if someone looked up his sleeves.
Fia came running back over to us. She held out a doll that I recognized as the giraffe mascot that was on the sign out front.
“Paymen’,” she said gravely. “For savin’ me and Spike.”
“I see…” I said, taking the doll. Its head lolled forward and I saw the stitches done by hand around the neck. This was a well-loved toy.
“Could I trade this for a hug?” I asked.
Fia’s eyes widened. “Yes. Buh only if you can handle it.”
“I can handle it,” I said seriously.
She eyed me skeptically, then forcefully butted her head into my stomach and wrapped her arms around me. When she pulled away she looked surprised. “You really cou’ handle it!” she exclaimed.
I handed her back her doll and she took it happily. Nell stood at the doorway, taking in the scene.
“Why didn’t you think I could?” I asked Fia.
She cast her eyes downward. “Cause I’m like dis and you’re not. Dass why I live here.”
I crouched down. “Look, oh-” I felt petals brush my cheek as the flower on my shoulder grew. Nell’s eyes sparkled. Fia’s mouth hung open in amazement. I grinned. “See? I’m like that too. So is the woman behind you.”
Fia turned to Nell who gave her a little wave.
I watched her run over to Nell and started talking away.
“Fia’s name is actually Thea,” Spike said while watching her, “but she hated that she couldn’t say her own name.” Then he gestured subtly to the woman with long hair over her face. “Moira has a Shape that analyzes dimensions and structures. She can’t help herself sometimes. I have a similar problem.” He showed me his arm and I saw a new spike beginning to emerge from one of the holes. His arms twitched and his eyes seemed to jitter around the room, like he had taken eight cups of coffee.
“My Shape has two parts. One part is that I can shoot spikes out of my arms. The other affects my sight and my reflexes. I see echoes of how people are going to move before they do. I can’t not see it. And every time someone moves suddenly…” He gestures at his termoring arms. “My arms try to act on their own.” He stopped and stared at me, eyes narrowed in his customary glare.
I’m an idiot, I thought. Spike wasn’t glaring, he was just trying to see past his Shape.
“Why are you sharing this with me?” I asked, feeling my throat tighten.
“I don’t know… I guess just be grateful, yeah? Some people are forced into this way of living.
“Yeah, I get why you or the Outcasts could resent me.”
Spike shook his head. “But they don’t. They’re good people, shoved into a bad situation. Sarah didn’t even take the fuckin’ drug, her mother gave it to her. Yet she’s the sweetest soul here.”
He looked at me fiercely. “This is what I fight for. Not the Rings fighting for bloody entertainment, not for Sullivan’s schemes. Can you say the same?”
I swallowed. “Yeah.”
“Okay. I’m just making sure. There was a moment there where you had a look on your face. It was just like Alek and the Goblin.”
Moira started to get louder and Spike turned to try and calm her down. I was left feeling stricken. I wandered over to Nell and Fia, mulling over my feelings.
“Wow. I wish I could change like that,” Fia said to Nell. “Then I could go get toys. But I’m stuck like this.”
Nell spoke. “I’ll tell you a secret. I can see the future.” Sarah looked up at her curiously. “Everyone is different. The people out there who claim to be normal are just pretending that they’re all the same. One day when everyone is sleeping, the world will change, just like you did, and when everyone wakes up, you’ll be able to go wherever you want. Everyone is different, so we actually all have that in common.”
Nell met my eyes as she said that. Her certainty washed over me. I was hesitant to believe it, but I wanted to.
Someone called Fia over from where they were making food. She gave Nell a fierce hug and then ran off.
“Are you okay?” Nell asked softly.
“Is there any point to that question?” I asked, trying and failing to smile. “You can already tell how I’m feeling.
Nell’s eyes dropped. She tentatively prodded a scrape on her knee. “Being polite isn’t meaningless.”
I sighed. “You’re right. I just can’t shake the feeling that everyone here sees me the same as they see the Goblin. Just a monster revelling in the violence.”
Nell cocked her head. “I don’t get it. Fighting is exciting. I can feel your adrenaline, your pain, your courage. It pulses strongly through me.”
My stomach flipped at her words. It was easy for me to shove my feelings inside a box during the times of danger. But now they were spilling out.
“Surely I shouldn’t be happy at someone else’s pain?”
“You aren’t. You’re happy because you’re good at this, Nick. Surely it isn’t a bad thing to feel pleasure in being good at something. To feel triumph after struggling and suffering. There is art in Shaping. Even if it is violent art.”
A nagging thought reared its head, Chase would have agreed. I hated that. It felt like his shadow remained cast over me, even when I hoped I would never see him again.
“Look at the people you helped today,” Nell said insistently. “This is just one step towards our goal of stopping Organ. And… if you need to vent, do it. I can take it.” Nell was smiling.
I nodded, feeling a certain warmth at her words. It felt good to know that even if things got bad, she would be there next to me.
Graham appeared at the door and motioned to us. When we got close, he spoke, “Good work today. I hate to do this, but we will have a job tomorrow night.”
“Can’t it wait?” I asked, feeling drained.
“Unfortunately not. The crew has found out where the Jiezhi’s weapon shipments are happening. Sullivan wants us there to see it happen.”
So the breakneck pace of these missions would continue. I didn’t say it out loud, but I was happy for a reason to skip school. Nell was right about one thing. Shaping was way too much fun.
Thanks for reading! <3