Kay dropped us off at a thrift store so Nell could buy some clothes that fit her. “I gotta go to a welcome committee meeting at Sillwood U,” she said. “I can come pick you guys up later?”
I waved her away. “It’s fine. I can show her how to bus back to your place.”
Kay looked at Nell. “Hmm. Okay. Have fun shopping!”
Nell watched the red car speed off.
“Go in and get started,” I said. “I’ll meet you inside once I buy us both a phone. There’s a store around the corner.”
Nell grabbed my wrist, looking away. “Can you just do that after?”
Her feelings weighed heavily on me, making it hard to think. Every time I made a decision, I had to second guess it, was this me, or was Nell influencing me?
“Just try on some clothes,” I insisted, pulling away. “It shouldn’t take long.”
“They said they would hunt us down.”
“Right, but getting phones is part of staying safe,” I said. “I can’t be with you 24/7. We can stay in touch this way.”
It looked like she wanted to argue and I felt my anger rising. “Cut it out,” I said, gritting my teeth.
She met my eyes, frowning. “I can keep us safe if we stick together.”
“No.” I shook my head. “That’s not going to work all the time..”
“I told you before, your old life is dead. I thought you accepted that.”
I stared at her. “What do you want me to do? Just throw everything away for you? People have expectations for me. To get an education and find something I’m passionate enough about to get a career.”
Her eyes widened. The emotions were cloying, like I was standing in a dense cloud of smoke, making me sick. “Please stay,” she whispered.
There was a strange sensation at my neck. The feeling of something breaching my skin, without any pain. Nell’s eyes widened and she turned away from me. I looked past her at the store window and saw that in the reflection that a flower had bloomed on my collarbone.
Nell gathered up her emotions and I felt the paths they left my body, like dragging bits of string. The flower broke off and fell gently to the sidewalk.
I glanced around, making sure no one had seen that. Then I took in a deep breath, calming myself. “Nell, look. I said I’ll help you. We’ll go see Alek tomorrow. But I just need some room to breathe. You get that right? These feelings are new to me and it’s a bit overwhelming.”
She nodded and went into the store without a word.
I shook my head and went to the phone store, mulling over the problem in my head. I felt bad for pushing her away. Was it just my own hang ups that made me feel like this? But surely she was being a bit overbearing. Even this far away, I could feel her presence, subtle but constant. I couldn’t lie and say I didn’t want some semblance of normality to return to me after the harrowing events of Cathrow Farm. But that didn’t mean I wanted to go back to the way things were before. This new world was dangerous, yes, but it also felt chillingly right. This was where I belonged.
After purchasing new phones and plans I returned to the thrift store and found Nell. She was wearing an oversized comfy looking hoodie and shorts that had some cursive design on it. She raised her arms, sleeves drooping over her hands, looking like a scarecrow with her unruly hair.
I snorted. “What kind of pose is that.”
She just twirled the sleeves around in circles as a response.
Taking out one of the phone boxes, I handed it to her. “Here.”
She opened the box, taking out the slim glassy rectangle. The screen lit up and started to go through automated set-up. Turning it over in her hands, she murmured, “The last one I saw was a lot bigger.” Then she looked up guiltily. “Sorry, I didn’t mean like… Thank you. For the phone and the clothes.”
“Ah, so you do know that things cost money,” I said jokingly. “No worries. I don’t spend much, so I have plenty of my student loan money left.” I raised my own box. “You can use it for calls, internet, and you can use it to interact with BrainBoxes.”
Nell tilted her head curiously.
I shrugged. “They’re getting more popular. Artificial intelligence machines. Look, even the checkout here has one.”
Nell examined the black box I was pointing out near the exit. “I didn’t have a book on those,” she mused.
“Speaking of books, I was thinking we would check out the library.”
She whirled around, eyes wide. “There’s one here?”
I grinned. “You’re gonna love it.”
Once we got there, Nell practically flew around the shelves, dragging her fingers across the spines. Happy feelings washed over me, soothing my anxiety. She ended up checking out a large bag full of books. Afterwards, I bought us some cold drinks and we found a park to sit and rest.
Nell immediately pulled out a book about Canadian flora and fauna.
“Having fun?” I asked.
“Hmm?” She muttered, already engrossed.
I leaned back, enjoying how the trees rustled in the wind. “Nothing. I’m just glad you are enjoying something normal.”
The cloth bag full of books reminded me of something. “Ah, I have one more thing I need to buy. I’ll be right back.”
I got up, feeling Nell’s nervous tremor but deciding not to address it. She just needed to realize that she was fine on her own. It wasn’t like the puppeteers of Cathrow knew where we were. Sillwood was a big place and Nell didn’t have anything on her from before that could be used to track her.
I searched for a store that was selling backpacks, finally finding a large department store. After passing a few sections of the interior, I idly realized that I’d slipped out of Nell’s range. As I looked for a good quality backpack, I assessed how I was feeling and came to the conclusion that I was fine.
I returned to the front of the store, bag in hand. Nell wasn’t manipulating me. I didn’t feel sick. I was getting upset because it was new and different, that was all-
The bag slipped out of my hand. Nell’s emotions came rushing back and something was wrong.
I ran out of the store, bumping past a couple in my haste. Their shouts were a distant distraction. My feet pounded on the pavement as I raced back to the park. Nell’s bag was still on the bench, left unattended. I turned in a circle. Where? When I didn’t see any indication of where she had gone, I shut my eyes and focused on the emotions.
This had happened before, in the dark forest. I felt the pull, like the tide, and let my feet carry me forward. There was a path that led into a solitary corner of the park, lined by tall hedges. I sprinted down the path, sliding on the cobblestone when the path took a ninety degree turn.
Another turn and I saw Nell. She stood in front of a man who was pinned to the hedge, held aloft by thorny vines.
“Nell!” I shouted.
She looked at me, eyes wide with fear. “He’s one of them,” she hissed.
The man’s eyes were bulging out of his head. A quiet rasp of breath escaped his lips, like he was trying to scream but couldn’t find his voice.
I eyed him warily. “How do you know?”
“H- he was asking me questions,” Nell stammered, hugging her book to her chest. “I tried to walk away but he kept following me. Then he tried to grab me. I led him here, where no one would see.”
The vines tightened, thorns drawing a small drop of blood from the man’s neck. He whimpered.
“What do you want?” I asked him.
“Please… please don’t hurt me,” he gasped. “I didn’t know.”
A dark stain appeared on the man’s pants and I looked away, feeling a pit in my stomach. “Nell, what did he ask you?”
“He was trying to get information from me.”
“No, what exactly did he ask you?”
“He asked what I was doing here,” Nell said coldly, “and where I was from. He tried to distract me by saying I was pretty. He told me I should come with him and have some fun. When I said no, he kept asking to see my phone.”
“Oh, Nell…” I said, putting a hand to my head. “I think he’s just a creep.”
Nell’s mouth tightened. “But… what if he isn’t? We can’t let him go. He might tell them where we are.”
The man started to whine as the vines dragged him further into the hedge.
“You can’t just kill him!” I exclaimed.
“What the fuck,” the man whispered. “What the fuuuuuck.”
Nell’s emotions flared. “If he’s with them he deserves it.”
“He’s not!” I said. “Let him go.”
“I can protect us.”
“Let him go,” I said firmly. “Do it or I’m leaving and never coming back.”
The vines loosened and the man dropped to the ground on his hands and knees. He was fine except for where the vines had left bruises and small cuts.
“Monster…” the man said under his breath.
Nell’s looked stricken. “I’m not-”
“Monster!” he screamed. “Freak! You’re not human!”
I dragged Nell away down the path. The man’s ragged screams followed us, ringing in my ears even after we’d gone far away.
Nell had withdrawn into herself. I couldn’t feel anything from her. Her face was like a statue.
I took us to a bus stop that was well removed from the park. Nell dragged her feet, staring at nothing. We boarded the bus in silence.
Then, with the noise of the engine nearly drowning out her voice, she spoke, “Nick, I’m not a monster,” she repeated.
I gazed out the window. “You made a mistake and you hurt someone. He was just lashing out.”
“I’m not…”
“You’re not.” I didn’t know if I sounded convincing or not.
The bus stopped near Kay’s house and I nudged Nell. She got up and quietly walked off the bus. I hung on to a strap near the exit door and gave her a small smile. “It’s okay, Nell. Everyone makes mistakes. Tomorrow we’ll go see Alek.”
The doors shut and after a while, I could no longer feel her.