WnW 2.15

Nell had turned the chapel into a makeshift greenhouse. I could imagine the sunlight shining through the multi-coloured glass above, heating the interior so the many plants could thrive. It wouldn’t work in the winter, there was no way to insulate the building with all the missing pieces in the walls, but for now she could live comfortably. The light from the fires in the distance gave the room a warm glow.

I watched Nell drag a chair over to the table. She wasn’t wearing shoes and her feet were dark with dirt. How long had she been living here? What had happened in the time between when we were kids and now? I didn’t want to bombard her with questions that might be too personal, so I started with something more obvious.

“So, you’re a gardener?” I asked.

She sat down on the chair, face coming close to mine. “Not now, Nick. Your heart is failing.”

“I feel fine.”

“You feel fine because I’ve been pumping your heart manually. And I’m bad at it, nearly lost you a few times.”

I stared back at her in disbelief. “You can do that?”

“Mhm.” Annoyance crossed her face. “Your insistence on exerting yourself didn’t help either.”

Another pulse pounded through the building, a silent scream that clawed at my insides. I held on to the sides of the table, trying to suppress the anger that bubbled up. It felt stronger here, but I was in a better state of mind, more able to resist acting on impulse. An ugly thought surfaced, a bit late for restraint, don’t you think? The violence of the last hour settled over me. “Fuck…” I whispered, gripping my head. “Fuck! I’m so- I’m- Why did this happen?!”

“Hey!” Nell said, trying to push me back down onto the table. “What did I just say?”

“I killed people,” I said. The words were bitter on my tongue.

“Yeah,” Nell responded softly.

“Those waves of anger…”

Nell stiffened, listening intently. I continued, “I’ve been controlled a lot recently. It doesn’t feel like that. Even before it started, I wanted to hurt Beth. I wanted to hurt Aaron. To get back at them. I wanted to feel like there was some justice or karma.”

There was a lump in my throat. I ran through the memories again. Had I really killed her? There was no mistaking it, I was just looking for a way out. But as I looked at Nell, I thought, I’m not doing that anymore. I had to embrace the feelings. Even the ones that hurt. “I killed Beth,” I said. “It doesn’t feel real, but it is. I can still recall the sensation of stabbing her. And I don’t really feel anything about it. Just numb. But that makes me feel guilty. Like I should be feeling regret, but I don’t.”

Nell’s eyes widened. “You killed her?”

I nodded.

“That’s good,” she said. “I wouldn’t want your new heart to be crushed too.”

I blinked. “What?”

“Mhm,” she tapped a finger on my chest. “I think it’s ready.”

I tried sitting up again and she threw herself on me, using her full body weight to force me back down. “Woah woah woah!” I protested. “You think? And this one is going to replace mine?”

She kept me pinned even as I struggled weakly. “We don’t have a choice! I can’t keep pumping your heart for you.”

“Why can’t you just heal it?”

She narrowed her eyes. “You don’t understand how hard this is. Ever tried repairing a car engine while driving it? Now do it only by touch and you also don’t have any guides to tell you how to do it.”

“This is not reassuring me!” I said. “I don’t know how you are doing any of this. Is this your gift?”

She shook her head. “I’ve had these powers for as long as I can remember. I’ve only known the Cathrows a little longer than you have. Now stop asking questions and just lie still so I can work.”

Another pulse made my teeth clench. “Why don’t you just force me to be still?” I asked with an edge to my voice. “After all, you’re making me feel things that aren’t me. You can grow a new heart inside of me. Surely you can just do whatever you want?”

Nell pulled away, looking stricken. “I don’t want to force you,” she said softly.

I turned away, feeling her guilt like it was my own. “Then cut it out with the emotions.”

She was quiet for a moment. “I can’t. Our connection is what allows me to work on you. Without it, I would be trying things in the dark, blind.”

Feeling her hurt and regret made me feel a little reassured. It all felt genuine, like a true window into another person’s feelings. It didn’t feel manipulative, even if I hated it. I could suck it up for now.

I lay back down. “Okay, fine, go ahead.”

Nell hesitantly laid her hand back on my chest and closed her eyes. I did the same, focusing on the sensations in my chest. Something moved inside. It wasn’t uncomfortable, it felt like water flowing, warming different parts of me.

Then my heart stopped and it felt like I had broken through the ice on a lake, plunging into the frigid depths. Blackness crept around the edges of my vision. Something strange moved inside me, like a living thing. I tried to look but I didn’t have the strength to lift my head even an inch. The darkness overtook me until all I could see was a pinprick of light, like the sun shining down on the surface of the lake far above my head.

An impact like a fiery hammer struck. Heat rushed back to me and I gasped for air. Blood rushed loudly in my ears. My chest hurt with every beat but this was a good pain, like a growing pain. I was no longer in the icy lake, I was back on the table, staring at the glass ceiling on this starless night. Nell’s face came into view, looking relieved.

“Thank goodness,” she breathed.

Strength came with the warmth that flooded out into my limbs and I sat up quickly. Nell jerked back so that I wouldn’t smack into her. I touched my chest, feeling different but unable to put my finger on it. I touched my face and felt the bridge of my nose. There wasn’t any pain there either. It felt off.

“Did you fix my nose?” I asked.

She laughed quietly, like a distant bird. “I replaced your heart and that’s what you ask about? Your nose?”

I grinned back. “Well, it feels a little off. You sure you got it right?”

She continued to laugh and this time I was allowed to get up and walk around. Potted plants crowded the space with large leaves and vibrant colours. Every plant looked different, and some were definitely exotic, the kind that wouldn’t grow in Canada’s climate.

“You grew all of these?” I asked, touching a large drooping leaf.

“Yeah. I had to do something to keep myself busy.”

“Did someone bring you seeds?”

“No. They all started out as weeds.”

I paused, looking back at her. “And you changed them with just your thoughts?”

She nodded.

“Does that make you a goddess or something?”

Nell seemed to find that amusing. “No. I can’t create life out of nothing. I can only change living things into other living things. Or very recently living.”

I rapped my knuckles on a wooden table. “So you can’t turn this back into a tree?”

“Nope.”

“Do you connect with the plants like you do with me?”

Nell studied me. “No.”

“What about people? There’s some angry farmers that could use some calming down.”

“You’re the only person I’ve connected like this with. And that wasn’t on purpose. It was like something snapped into place and suddenly I could feel you.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I’m not a plant,” I joked.

A wave of anger echoed through the chapel, reverberating off the walls. My eyes were drawn to a door near the back. It was cast in shadow so I hadn’t noticed it until now. Uncomfortable emotions stirred inside of me as I examined it.

“What’s behind that?” I asked, pointing.

She kept her face neutral, but I could feel the dread in the air. “I… helped create something. I need your help to destroy it.”

“What can I do that you can’t?” I asked. Nell didn’t respond. Some thoughts clicked into place. “Is it Aaron’s Tree?”

Nell shook her head. “It’s my tree. I made it.”

“What does it-” Emotions slammed into me like a wall and I staggered. The light from the fires seemed to turn from orange to a deep red and I fought the urge to start destroying the plants around me.

Nell suddenly jerked her head around to stare at the front of the church.

“Nick!” A voice roared from outside.

My heart sank. I knew that voice. A shadow appeared at the entrance. Bloody and battered but eyes ablaze with purpose.

Aaron held a small struggling person by the back of their neck.

“You got further than I expected, Nick,” Aaron drawled.

Jason’s eyes were wide with fear as he fruitlessly tried to escape from his father’s grip.

“But it’s time to tie up loose ends.”